The journey to conception is a long, difficult road...
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Every infertile couple has heard different reasons, excuses, and justifications for their inabilities to
conceive.  These arguments and advice are usually erroneous, insensitive, and ill-informed.  Here are
some fact-based counterarguments.

You just have to relax.
Some studies have shown that a portion of infertility patients succeed in conceiving after receiving
therapy.  However, "there is no evidence that relaxation per se leads to conception," says Alice D.
Domar, Ph.D., director at the Mind/Body Center for Women's Health at Boston IVF, assistant
professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School and author of
Conquering Infertility. "
Please remember that infertility is considered a disease by the FDA, CDC, and Americans with
Disabilities Act.  It is a disease, much like cancer or diabetes.  You would never be insensitive enough
to tell a cancer patient to relax so their tumor will shrink.  Similarly, taking a yoga class won't unblock
fallopian tubes or change the shape of sperm.  

Infertility is a social problem, not medical.
In Canada, the Royal Commission on New Reproductive Technologies and provincial ministries of
health have explicitly affirmed infertility as a legitimate medical concern and infertility as legitimate
medical care for public funding.

Pregnancy is a choice.  Infertility treatment is voluntary.  You need to pay for your own
choices.
Here's a pop quiz:
Out of the following, which injury/illness will most insurances cover?
a)  $10 worth of ovulation-induction medication
b)  Triple heart bypass for a man with high cholesterol and morbid obesity from decades of poor diet
consisting of daily cheeseburgers and pizza
c)  Surgery to repair a fractured leg following a sky-diving incident
d)  Chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation therapy to treat a woman's lung cancer, caused by nearly 30
years of smoking
e)  A prescription for Viagra so a man can engage in sexual activity
f)  All of the above, except a.
If you chose f, unfortunately, you are correct.  Life is full of choices and it is true that recently many
people refuse to take responsibility for their actions.  However, in the above examples, these people
chose to eat poorly, sky dive, smoke, and have sex and yet, insurance helped them fix the
consequences for their actions.  Very few couples
chose to be infertile.  They chose to try to
conceive, but do not receive help from their insurance.  

You don't need to have children.
It is true that some people never want to have children.  However, for most people that want children,
infertility is devastating.  Part of this is a sociological problem.  Society encourages couples to have
children and looks down upon those that don't, calling them selfish.  The suffering of infertility is a
product of a pronatal society, which values women largely for their ability to bear children.*

Maybe it is God's will.
This is one of the most painful things to hear.  This statement implies that God chooses who should
and should not be parents, rewarding children to the good and denying children from the bad.  Let's
rephrase this statement- "Its Gods will that you are infertile, yet it is also God's will that an
unemployed drug addict become pregnant over and over again."  According to this thinking, why
would God intentionally allow children to be beaten, abandoned, neglected, or killed while millions of
potentially good parents go childless?

Everyone pays.  I don't think my insurance should pay to help you have a baby.  Its not my
fault you're infertile.
Yes, our insurance premiums help to pay for the treatment of others.  Yes, if an infertility mandate
was enacted, it would add to the cost of premiums (estimated at $3 per year).  But, look it from the
perspective of a person with infertility.  Their insurance pays for other people's prenatal care,
abortions, and C-Sections, all services that an infertile patient may never utilize.  

Also, keep in mind that smoking is the leading cause of preventable death and disease.  
Smoking-related illnesses account for $75.5 billion in health care costs. This is approximately 9% of
total expenditures.  This is something you are supporting with your contributions to health care
companies. Infertility treatment accounts for 0.003% of U.S. health care costs.  Infertility is not
usually self-inflicted, yet we continue to be ignored.
.
The government and my taxes shouldn't have to pay to help you have a family.
This is similar to the previous statement.  Millions of people with infertility pay taxes to support
schools and youth programs, yet do not have children to attend these services.  Remember we are a
very symbiotic society.

You should just adopt.
Many infertile couples do adopt children, enter foster care, and even mentor.  However, they will
never get to experience pregnancy, childbirth, or the closeness of breastfeeding.  Also, the costs of
adoption can by up to 3x more than IVF, even with the help of Social Services.  
Newborn adoption is increasingly rare with therapeutic abortion currently used to terminate
approximately 20% of all  pregnancies in the U.S.  Between 1989 to 1995, only about 1% of babies
born to never-married women were relinquished for adoption.  International adoption is only
accessible to those with significant resources, costing between $10,000 and $30,000.*

Once you adopt, you'll get pregnant right away.
This is an old wive's tale.  Only about 5 percent of couples who do adopt later become pregnant.

Infertility treatment is too expensive.
Most infertility cases -- 85% to 90% -- are treated with conventional medical therapies such as
medication or surgery.  The costs for these treatments are substantially less than IVF.  While vital for
some patients, in vitro fertilization and similar treatments account for less than 3% of infertility
services, and about (or approximately) 0.003% of U.S. health care costs.  

You are infertile because of something you did.
Sometimes, infertility can be caused by weight, drug/alcohol use, or STDs.  However, the primary
causes of infertility are biological or genetic- outside of human control.  Most people with infertility
are perfectly healthy.

Why don't you just keep trying?  Conceiving the natural way is cheaper.
Obviously, if conceiving the natural way was an option, people would not need infertility treatment.  
Infertility is due to a dysfunction on the reproductive system.  It is unlikely to fix itself over time.  

An infertility insurance mandate would benefit so few.
In the past year, about 1.2 million or 2% of the reproductive population had an infertility-related
medical appointment.  An additional 13% had received infertility services at some time in their lives.  
Chances are, you know someone who has suffered from infertility.  

IVF is murder.
Many argue that since IVF requires that nonviable oocytes and embryos be discarded during a cycle,
in vitro is murder.  The debate asks, when does life begin?  Oocytes and embryos are discarded
because of abnormalities that would have prevented successful pregnancy.  Under normal
circumstances, these pregnancies would have resulted in miscarriage.  If IVF is murder, then the 1
out of 4 women that experience a miscarriage is committing manslaughter.  Additionally, whenever a
woman ovulates and later has her period, she committed murder because the oocyte was discarded.  

* Go to your local college library for reference:  Hughes, E.G. & Giacomini, M. (2001).  Funding for
in vitro fertilization for persistent subfertility: the pain and the politics.  Fertility and Sterility, 76,
431-442.